"I guess I will have to use the bathroom upstairs!"

Umm, OK. My apologies, I will start shitting in the backyard so as not to inconvenience you.

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"I cannot feed the animals while you are in the bathroom!" Not sure if this was a bitch, or just a random, completely ridiculous and asinine comment, but her tone was bitchy so I counted it.

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Tuesday, September 27th

It took only 45 minutes and 5 snoozes to wake the dead this morning...must've been a long night of pogo and vampire porn TV after I fell asleep. This could be an interesting day.

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Monday Recap

I completely dropped the ball on keeping up with a half a days worth of bitching yesterday. What you see from yesterday was through about noon. I will get better.

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I am an inconsiderate bastard

I had the audacity to be on a conference call when Queen Bee decided to call my cell phone and ask about lunch.
In a 6 minute span, I received a call to my cell, 2 texts, a call to my desk phone and 1 more text; All telling me how inconsiderate I am. I'm sorry, next time I'll hang up on a client, my boss and 10 other people just I can tell you "No, I am not going to lunch today"!

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Text Bitch

Amazingly, it took over 4 hours before the Queen Bee texted me bitching about how her boss expects her to do some crazy shit, like, her fucking job!

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9/26/2011

Mondays are always special, and today was no different...

We started out the morning with some complaining about the fact that I did not feed the puppies. Just to clarify, we have 5 dogs (+2 month old puppies), 4 cats, 1 bird, 2 sugargliders and 1 fish. The sugar-gliders are mine and every other animal in the house, she brought home, although she likes to assign ownership of a couple of them to me.

After whining about me not feeding the puppies, she bitched a little about the fact that she did not have time to sit down and smoke a cigarette before work. Note: I set the alarm for 6:00, she hit snooze until 6:53 before getting up. (And I fed all the other animals except the puppies).

Now that we are about to leave the house, she asked if we put power steering fluid in the car over the weekend. No would be the appropriate response. This was apparently a cardinal sin and we should have been put down right then.

Before even putting on her seatbelt, she bitched about the fact that there was no gas in the truck. But, she always bitches about this if there is less than a 1/4 of a tank.

After starting the car, but before actually moving, she complained about the fact that we didn't clean out the car this weekend. We didn't, because it was her shit everywhere.

The car in front of us as we finally started making progress towards getting to work was chastised for not moving out of her way (the fact that there were a half dozen cars in front of him does not relieve him of culpability).

Going through a roundabout, there was bonus bitching about the fact that we didn't put power steering fluid in the car. If only power steering fluid were available at damn near every corner that there is a gas station, then it wouldn't be left to Sam and I to track down the 3-4 remaining bottles in the city! I didn't suggest that possibly she could have stopped and picked some up somewhere since she was driving and my life would have been at risk.

After a brief mention of the Atlanta airport on the radio, she proceeded to explain to us that EVERY time she went through the Atlanta airport, her plane was delayed for at least an hour. Note: She hasn't flown anywhere since the TWA started their comprehensive search process. And I am pretty sure she has only flown once in her life.

It was about this time that she bitched about the audacity of having to share the road with all those other bastard people who were put on the planet to insure she is late for everything.

Despite 2 unbiased witnesses proclaiming a completely different series of conversations leading up to the event, she now deviated from contempt for transportation long enough to bitch that our former neighbor didn't return a crate she borrowed to transport animals during a move.

My personal favorite for the day; She accused the IRS of having some vendetta against her because they have not sent her tax information from 2008. Apparently, in her mind, this is not a problem with red tape or just general inefficiency of a government agency, she actually believes that the IRS intentionally ignored her request for the information. Note:She hasn't paid taxes since 2006 and just recently found out the had a levy against her paycheck for non-payment of a half a decades worth of taxes.

There was then some more generic bitching about the fact that there are cars on the road with her. It always strikes me as hilarious that someone who doesn't pay taxes for 6 years honestly expects the government to build her her own damn roads.

The last segment before she dropped me off at work was related to Sam not taking the bus to keep her from having to drive a couple miles out of the way before dropping me off and then going back to her work.